Badger's Den

We Are Ready to Go
9:21 a.m. - 2009-01-21

It was interesting watching Obama's inauguration yesterday. I caught the recorded version when I got home from work.

He's already done things I approve of, things I don't approve of and things I have no opinion of. I expect there'll be more of each as time goes on as with any president.

I think the two things that are promising are his ability to lead and inspire and his surrounding himself with people who have different opnions from himself.

I think Bush could have been a much better president if his inner circle had more diversity of opinion and if he had been more intellectually curious. He allowed Cheney too much influence which shut out the voices that could have steered him away from the disasters he will be remembered for.

I do believe that Obama is for the average person. The rich will always take care of themselves and don't really need help. But that average guy needs some guarantees of stability.

While I am intelligent and resourceful, I am totally at the mercy of rich men and the governement for my wellbeing. I cannot survive alone. I have to work for someone else. With my skillset, I can demand higher wages, but with that comes zero guarantees. I could be terminated tomorrow with no recourse.

Fortunately we are a nation that to some extent takes care of each other. We don't intend to let people starve or die from lack of medical care. We are not a nation based on Darwinism. The weak are allowed to survive and prosper along with the powerful.

I think our biggest problem has been not really knowing where we wanted to go as a nation. And with no goals, we don't know what results we need. And not knowing results means we don't know what behaviors are needed. And this means we don't know how to incent people to behave the way that ultimately leads us to our goal. And we have no way to measure if we are getting closer or farther away.

We have come closer. Carbon footprint measurements have opened a lot of eyes. The financial sector bailout however was an example of the complete wrong way to do things.

Sure there are times when we don't know the right course of action to get the results we want. At those times we have to rely on educated guesses and even trial and error.

We must be quicker to realize when we make an error and to correct it. I could see that we were headed in a horribly wrong direction with consumer credit and ARMs. I have no doubt that those in Washington knew even better.

My fault with them is that they did nothing. They could only wait for the meltdown and then react. It smacks of collusion, greed, lack of reason or just plain incompetence.

Do I have the answers? Hardly. I don't believe any single individual does in these complex times.

I believe that we are better off listening to all the sound ideas and agreeing on the best we can agree upon. Collectively we are much wiser than as individuals.

This country is resourceful and people find ways to succeed. But we aren't in it alone. If one fails we have all failed to some extent.

You have the team, Mr. President. You have the ability to lead. We are ready to follow. Now work it.

Department of Strategic Vision
11:25 a.m. - 2009-01-15

I propose the U.S. create an independent strategic council. Ideally it would be an independent, Constitutionally created branch of the government.

It's function would be to set strategic direction for this country with 50, 20 and 10 year goals. It would set goals such as energy independence, improved infrastructure, job creation, educational standards, sustained economic growth, eliminating world hunger and national security.

It would be non-partisan and not subject to re-election perhaps with non-renewable terms.

It would score everything done as moving us toward or away from our long term goals.

What it could provide is something to counterbalance the perpetual election process Congress and the President cowtow to. It would provide and incentive to our leaders to vote in ways that may not traditionally get them re-elected.

It could be a forum to tackle the thorny issues rationally that have polarized the populace.

And it would provide hope and optimism along with an openness about what our agenda really is in this country.

There's no guarantee though that we wouldn't become mired down in the same social quagmire that we already have.

Perhaps a strategic direction has to have an 60-75% approval rating from the citizens. If we can't reasonably agree on a direction, then our strategy must be continued dialog.

Imagine if we had a more concrete vision of our resource future. Imagine doing the tough things now knowing they will pay off in the future. Imagine instead of reacting only when the pressure builds up high enough that we become proactive and visionary.

Just Freakin Wonderful
11:10 a.m. - 2009-01-15

I was dumbfounded when I heard one of George W Bush's new neighbors in Dallas describe him as "a wonderful president."

I'll grant that the guy was probably a die-hard Republican. I could see if he thought Bush was a good president as some did get richer during his term.

But I try to imagine someone so self-centered, so blind to the suffering in this country and in Iraq, so insensitive to the plight of the average person in this country and indeed around the world that they can go so far as calling him "wonderful".

And not even be sarcastic about it.

Tuesday
4:00 p.m. - 2009-01-13

It seems like the new year has been going on longer than 13 days. After Eugene left, life kinda returned to the routine.

Had to take my car in for a front end rattle and they replaced the stabalizing bars or some such thing. It was still under extended warranty.

Went to the dermatologist and he put another hole in my head to remove a rough spot.

Andy came over both Wednesday and Sunday. Nancy and I got together Friday for dinner at a new German restaurant and some shopping.

On Saturday I cooked for Tim and we watched some movies. It was a big weekend for movies for me. Here's the list...

Man on Wire - the guy that walked the tight wire between the World Trade Center in 74
24th Day - wierd but thoughtful
City of Men - the part that dealt with the hill battle
Ratatouille - not as great as I expected
Bridge to Tarabithia - better than expected
Golden Compass - better than I remember
It's Always Sunny on Philadelphia - not a movie but the TV show on DVD, funny

Happy New Year
12:46 p.m. - 2009-01-05

Had a nice long visit with Eugene. He came down last Tuesday and left today (Monday).

For New Years Eve a bunch of us from the 'gayborhood' had a progressive party. One house for appetizers & soup, one for main course and a final one for desert and champaigne.

Mew Years Day brought a family gathering at my folks.

Other than that, we watched a LOT of sports, did some geocaching and generally took it easy.

Rick Warren & Barack Obama
9:29 a.m. - 2008-12-21

Today it became clear to me why the selection of anti-gay Rick Warren by Barack Obama as invocation speaker bothered me so much. In fact it makes me want to spit nails, take names and make phone calls. It's because as much as Barack Obama proclaims that he supports us, he just doesn't get it.

He's not alone. I am constantly disappointed by supportive people who during conversations prove that they really don't get it either. They truly do not understand what it's like to be gay. But I give credit for trying, for listening, for learning.

Warren and others like him talk about all their gay friends and how loving and supportive they are to gay people. And then compare gay relationships with incest and pedophelia if not beastiality. My guess is their so called gay "friends" are not as good a friends as they would like to proclaim.

My relationship with Eugene is every bit as important as a straight couple's. To think that we are somewhat less valid because we are gay is extremely offensive. This is why recognition of gay marriage is important - because until gay relationships are valued by society, we as a group of people are 2nd class, akin to pre-teens sharing promise rings. It's cute but not a "real" adult relationship.

Add to Warren's views about gay relationships - his church denies membership to gays unless they adhere to that church's demeaning requirements. It is another offense that Warren and Obama just do not "get." I don't mind having a conservative speaker. There are many sound values and work being done by conservative Christians.

I don't mind someone being slow to understand. One can be personally opposed to gay marriage without being a hawk about it. I do mind the active and very vocal opposition Warren proclaims against gays.

That is not acceptance of a difference of opinion. That is plain bigotry against people that are different and he doesn't try to understand.

Party Time in Madison
9:36 a.m. - 2008-12-15

Had a great weekend in Madison. Met up with Eugene at our friends' house. It was Brian's birthday so a party was on for Saturday.

Friday night we went out with Mad Mike. Eugene was in a panic because he had to stop drinking before 8 because of a hospital study he was doing Saturday morning. They paid him so that was good.

While Eugene was being poked and prodded, Mad Mike & I went to a way cool restaurant for breakfast. This was an old house turned into a tony coffee and sandwich place. The line was out the door, but once served the food was excellent. And the scones were to die for.

Brian's party began about noon with mostly relatives at first. His cousin and brother were spitting images of Brian with the same expressions and mannerisms. And they're all loud, boistrous, tall, big and the life of any party.

I also met Peter, Brian's tall slender 33-year old ex-boyfriend who is still a friend. He is a very cute man and imagine my surprise when he hit on little ole me (bats eyes and blushes).

The family group morphed into gay & lesbian friends. Music and shots flowed with laughter and stories. And there are some details that will remain unsaid.

Sunday morning Brian fixed breakfast for Eugene and I, the cousin and Peter who had spent the night. Eugene and I took a quick nap then cuddled up on the basement couch to watch the Packers on the big screen TV.

The with ominous weather warnings we both headed to our respective homes. All in all a very fun weekend.

A Day Without a Gay
10:15 a.m. - 2008-12-10

The whole day without a gay thing has bugged me. It feels like a stunt that hurts us in the minds of the rest of the population. Who can measure its success?

Yes, we need to be more visible. I applauded a friend for putting a picture up of him and his partner on his PC at his new office. I have pictures of Eugene and I on my screensaver though nothing very intimate.

Disappearing from work for a day seems the opposite of being visible. Most people would have no idea why we're out of the office other than a sick day or day off so what's the point of protesting when no one really notices.

As for the not spending today aspect, I think that using our buying power as leverage does not endear us to those providing services to us. We don't need to be buying respect. And again, who will notice if I buy groceries tomorrow instead of today?

I am against bullying and this feels like us bullying the straights. I don't like boycots and think they are aounterproductive. I don't like using our "enemy's" tactics as our own.

So I'm here at work trying to be courageous and visible.

Friday
10:31 a.m. - 2008-12-05

Suffering a bit of a head cold since Eugene left on Monday. Lots of coughing. Stayed home Thursday though still dialed into work for a bit.

Feeling listless. Is it the drugs? Depression?

Been catching up on my reading. Currently reading...
A Million Little Pieces
Avoidance
The Screwtape Letters (book club)
The Word of God
Now is the Hour

Tonight is art film night. Tomorrow is the GLBT youth scholarship breakfast.

Being Thankful for Eugene
3:08 p.m. - 2008-12-01

Eugene left today, braving the recent snows to return north to Wisconsin. We had a nice relaxing long weekend.

He arrived Wednesday evening. We met up with Andy for dinner, video shopping & a re-watch of Casino Royale in prep for the newest Bond flick.

Thursday brought us to Mom's for the feast. Played cards with Nancy & Andy. Stuffed ourselves with great food and chatted with the family while watching football.

Friday and Saturday we spent geocaching racking up 16 finds. We also met up with TV Guy and Mad Mike. Watched Quantum of Solace and decided it was a great action movie, but not so sure how much of a Bond movie it was. Also watched Get Smart at home and had mixed feelings. As a comedy it fell pretty flat. As a spy movie it wasn't half bad.

Sunday brought snow and watching the Packers while snuggling on the couch. JB stopped by for the uncorking of the latest Barefoot Moscato.

All in all it was a nice relaxing weekend with my good buddy.

Geocaching
3:01 p.m. - 2008-12-01

Stat Summary

Geocaching
3:01 p.m. - 2008-12-01

Stat Summary

Singing Offer
10:06 a.m. - 2008-11-24

I received two nice compliments this weekend on my singing. At the optional rehearsal Saturday where I was the sole tenor, the alto sitting near me told me how nice my voice was.

Then Sunday one of the Baritones asked me to consider singing in the cathedral choir. They do strictly classical works. I'm intrigued. The cathedral is a great venue. But could I stand a regular dose of Roman Catholic pageantry?

Concert
9:50 a.m. - 2008-11-24

The numbers we sang at the concert last night were some of the most difficult pieces the chorus has done. We struggled as a group and even threw in an extra rehearsal where I was the lone tenor. But it came together in a great concert.

Perhaps our director's happiest moment was that after we sang the acapella section, the 100 of us stayed right in tune when the orchestra rejoined us.

It was hot and crowded on the stage which is fairly small. The orchestra by itself would have more than filled the area. Add the chorus on four rows of risers meant most of the percussion section spilled out onto the main floor.

The audience was standing room only and even that was scarce. Our director hinted that if any of us cared to donate a few million dollars to the university, we might get a new performing arts center to go with the major expansion in the athletics facilities under way.

Of course if we brought in the revenue...

The two numbers were in Hebrew, a difficult and gutteral language where pronunciation seems more a suggestion than rule. Add to that Eastern chords and 7/4 and 9/4 times and constantly changing rhythms and the challenge was substantial.

One of the numbers by Leonard Bernstein was typical of his work with lots of percussion and dischord, but also moments of awesome melodies.

The second piece was a 50 minute work that could have passed for a Ten Commandments style movie score. It had some massive moments.

But also add a 9 year old boy soloist in the Berstein work and the audience is guaranteed to love it. The whole concert came together and the audience loved it.

Now I'm recouperating. This Spring we're performing Beethoven's 9th with the professional orchestra. Should be awesome.

In Passing - Twice
9:42 a.m. - 2008-11-24

It was his sideways skip/gallop that caught my eye as I drove through the park. He was a cute young Asian in a beige fleece pullover and shiny blue running pants rolled up above his ankle.

He was jogging around the park and just happened into that cadence as I drove by. I made another loop around the park. I thought perhaps he had run off by then, but I spotted him standing near the railing overlooking the lagoon down the hill. He was twisting at the waist.

This time I kept going. Like I told JB, cute young men are like art. I don't want to own it with the attendant cost and care, but I do enjoy going to see it at the museum and absorbing its beauty.

It brightens the day.

My Calendar - What Was / What Will Be
9:46 a.m. - 2008-11-19

Things gone by:

Yesterday - dinner at Japanese steakhouse and watching "The Office" with Andy, IMd Eugene
Monday - Book Club - The Poisonwood Bible
Sunday - work 5am to 9 am, geocaching, movies with Tim and Hector with carryout Italian, read book, IMd Eugene and phone call
Saturday - met Bill to rehearse the chorus pieces
Friday - work til 7 and early to bed
Thursday - work til 6, watched Close Encounters, IMd Eugene
Wednesday - new netbook PC arrived, chorus rehearsal
Tuesday - nothing much, surfed web and watched TV, IMd Eugene
Monday - Took Nancy out for her birthday with Andy
Sunday - train show in next city east, shopping
Saturday - gay group dinner with JB and others and bar party in next city west, Indian Matthew was partying hard and everybody's friend
Friday - organ concert with JB, bar hopping
...
yadda yadda

Things to come...

Tonight - chorus rehearsal, need to squeeze in laundry
Tomorrow - wine tasting event with JB (tentative)
Friday - dinner with dining tour group, Dad's birthday
Saturday - chorus rehearsal, gay afinity group at work having a cookout
Sunday - chorus rehearsal, Concert
Monday - collapse
Wednesday - begin Thanksgiving week with Eugene's arrive (hopefully)

No wonder I'm stressed and depressed.

Depressed
9:38 a.m. - 2008-11-19

It's only been a few weeks since the time change and colder weather and already I'm majorly depressed.

I know part of it is not taking care of myself and my environment. I just have no energy and no motivation. It's barely 10 am and I want to crawl back in bed.

With work I'm just putting in my time doing the minimum to get by.

And part of it might be my schedule. Seems like I'm always busy with little time to just kick back.

I don't want to do anything at home. Tim suggested maybe I need to have a few sessions with a psychotherapist.

I'm already on anti-depressants and I hope I don't need more; I don't want more.

Plus when I'm depressed, my eating habits become very bad. And I seem to be voracious.

I just want to feel normal.

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