badger's diary

I'm feeling some angst lately that I can't place. Work is a bit stressful but that's not abnormal. When it comes to my social life, my cup runneth over a bit. Spiritually I need some attention. I need a vacation, readin & writin time and some meditation though I am taking stock of things. Physical activity is deficient thanks partly to the friggin heat and humidity (tho I did take a half hour walk this morning before work). The house is coming along but there's still a lot of chaos and fallout from the kitchen I need to deal with. Family is pretty good even considering my Aunt Janice's funeral last Sunday.

Speaking of Aunt Janice's funeral, I talked to my mom last night to see how things went down in Tennessee. (No I didn't go - you gotta understand my dysfunctional Midwestern WASP family.) She was rather livid that Kim, my aunt's surrogate daughter listed her own entire family in the obituary (including the ex-spouse of her brother) and listed Janice's blood relatives last leaving off cousins who were caring for Janice before her death and others. The funeral was divided between the wannabees parading up front and the real family fuming in the back. The minister understood and was sympathetic.

It's really all about greed. Kim's family have been essentially stealing from Janice for 40 years. And now they want the glory and sympathy not to mention whatever money is left in the estate that they couldn't squirrel away. All of my aunt's possessions have already disappeared. My mom wished she had been able to get one her sister's snowglobes or musicboxes as keepsake but that wasn't going to happen.

Anyway, it's over now and Janice can rest in peace. And we can write off the surrogates from our lives. Sadly, I feel like I've lost my connection to Knoxville a place I have considered a home away from home.

Kitchen was done last Friday. Here's some before and after pix. Actually the before pix don't look so bad, but the kitchen didn't go with the rest of the house and half the countertops were really unusable.

OK now I have to get rid of the mint green window and door frames. But I love it anyway.

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My Aunt Janice passed away yesterday in Knoxville TN. She had been struggling the past month. The doctors had given her 6 months a few weeks ago. Then she went into the hospital a few days ago and was in a coma. It was a matter of days then.

Fortunately my folks had gone down to see her recently. My mom thought she talked like the end was near. I last visited her last September. She was in a nursing home and was just existing.

It seems like she has just existed for the last ten years, not really taking an interest in her own life. I think she lost track of what a wonderful person she was and how much people loved her.

She loved to travel and I remember her on some family vacations. She went with me on a trip to Disneyworld in my college days. She had an easy laugh and was fun to be with. She enjoyed playing games around the kitchen table in her home overlooking a beautiful valley and a small mountain outside of the city.

In my youth, I always loved going with her to the movies. It would be a nice summer evening and she'd drive my sister and I to a drive in or cinema to catch a movie.

It was frustrating to watch such a vibrant person fade away over the past years. Sadly, now I feel I have lost my last connection to a place and people that were like a second home to me.

I still have relatives in the Knoxville area, but no one I have ever visited with. So it's like not only saying goodbye to her, but also goodbye to a significant part of my life. Gone is the reason for so many annual pilgrimages to a beautiful part of the world.

But she is now free from the turmoils of her life and her virtual imprisonment not only in the horrid nursing home where she had come to live, but also the failing body that entrapped her soul.

I hope those that have gone before have welcomed her home, whole and happy once more.

I am very stressed right now. I had to cut short my weekend with Eugene to do jury duty and I am on a case. My kitchen is torn up for the remodel and dust is everywhere (but I do have water). The rest of the house is in turmoil of course. And there's some key things at work I have to address. More to come I'm sure.

I love this picture. It was from the gay wedding we went to back in June. Eugene is such a beautiful man in so many ways. I am happy he is in my life.