Badger's Den

Movies and Life
12:12 p.m. - 2007-07-02

It was good to see notes from TMB & Doghigh. Good to know they're still out there.

Dighigh commented on the Pan's Labyrinth entry. I did go back and watch the director's commentary. It made it more interesting from a director making a point view.

But I wonder if all the thought that goes into choosing and altering pallets and the symbolism is recognized. There were a few things I was conscious of, like some of the deja vu scenes and the juxtaposition of violence and magic. But to me, magic isn't just marginally better, it's dramatically better than what we call reality.

But I guess the things I didn't recognize overtly, I noticed subconsciously. It seems to me that if I had captured the directors, message at any level I might have embraced the fantasy more.

As a child and well into my adulthood, I had a vivid fantasy world, a world where I was popular and loved. It was also a world where I survived many many adversities. It was a world where I was energized, socially active and charismatic. Interestingly, its an existence that is coming true in its own way in my life now.

Fantasy is definitely the refuge when life is harsh. I will always wonder what I would have become with a little encouragement.

This morning I watched Beautiful Boxer and was really lifted up by the acceptance of the parents to their transgendered son as a child. I expected the typically portrayed anger from the father. Even the teasing from the other children seemed more good natured and accepting.

But I still cried a bit at the end. Even though I knew she was going to be happy living an authentic life, there is still something sad about children who have such trauma in their lives. It reminds me of my childhood and youth which should have been a time of wonderful discovery and is instead tained by trying to be someone I was not.

I felt sorry for the boy I once was. Why did he have to endure the closet forced on him by society, by friends, by church and by parents? Why couldn't he have been allowed to be fulfilled in his nature?

Somewhere recently I heard that children will be well adjusted if even one significant person in their life says they believe in them and support them. I had a few people that truly believed in me as I was and I cherished them. Sadly, they were too far removed from my daily existence to provide a significant impact, enough to overcome my self-imposed exile.

I'm reading "Mordred Bastard Son" and in it a gay Mordred tells a monk that as a youth, his mother understood the nature of him and quit trying to set him up with girls.

That one phrase hit me and I wished that someone close to me in my youth had understood my nature and encouraged me to bloom.

Lots of Eugene Time and Other Stuff
4:21 p.m. - 2007-06-25

I got my AmEx bill in the mail this week and almost choked until I realized it had Eugene & my trip to Vegas on it. Yep, we're going to get away to Vegas in November over Thanksgiving. We'll have three days and a hotel on the strip so it will be cool.

In more Eugene news, we spend Milwaukee Pridefest together a few weekends ago and my birthday weekend on the 16th in Madison. I met some friends of his and we also met up with Mike. Saturday night we went to a wedding which the grooms titled "My Big Fat Gay Wedding." It was a tropical theme and I'll post a few pix soon.

So I had a relatively quiet weekend with a 10 mile bike ride Friday, Tim's moving day on Saturday, a 7 mile ride on Sunday and Mandy's birthday dinner at my mom's last night.

In entertainment news, I watched Pan's Labyrinth yesterday. I didn't really like it, though it wil probably be one of those films that sticks with me. I guess I expected more magic and considerably less facism.

Tonight the kitchen guy comes to measure cabinets. I'm scheduled for a 7/16 install.

And to top it off, Eugene is coming here this weekend. Yea!

Biking
1:44 p.m. - 2007-06-21

Went to a nice spot to ride my bike last night. There's a old road that runs for several miles along the river. It's near a highway so there's very little traffic on this road. It's tree lined with the water on the one side. Very scenic. Of course I forgot to bring my camera. A large string of barges were chugging up river and the skies were clear so it made for picturesque scenery with boat, river, far hills all framed with trees on shore.

Here is a pic I took last year of this road.

The boat sounded it's foghorn at a couple of pleasure boats lurking in the channel. I road 5 miles and on one stretch I hit 19 mph on the flat with a tail wind. Cool.

Tuesday I rode about 3 miles around the neighborhood.

Eugene and I rode 5 miles along Lake Monona in Madison on Sunday. It was pleasant relatively flat riding. I could have ridden farther but time for me to head home came too soon.

Busy Weekend
10:13 a.m. - 2007-06-04

I spent an exciting Friday evening having spaghetti with my folks and doing laundry. On Saturday I drove to Chicago to visit my friend Ken, who I met through a friend of Eugene's. We had Italian (food) for lunch and spent the afternoon strolling in boystown. It was a great day, tho a bit on the warm side. We stopped at Cold Stone for ice cream and found a nice beer garden where we could visit in a quiet shady spot with a pleasant breeze.

I headed for home about 7:00 pausing to explore a bit and for dinner at a truck stop. I bought some t-shirts for 3.33 each and got home about midnight.

Sunday I spent the morning chilling around the house and surfing for software for my Palm T|X, reading some and playing computer games. I called Melodee to make sure her daughter had given her the message about rescheduling the evening event. We had just tried to squeeze too much stuff into the weekend.

I also found a site called www.librarything.com where you can keep a list of you books. It's cool and links directly to the Library of Congress and Amazon.com (interesting combo) tho it could use a few more user defined text fields. So I don't know how much I'll use it.

In the afternoon I went hiking at the state park and when I was about as far from my car as I was going to get, one of those "isolated thunderstorms" caught me. So I hiked back in the rain. Fortunately I had left the new t-shirts in the car and was able to swap my soaked shirt for a nice dry one.

I headed out and about a mile away everything was bone dry. I found a small town with a cool ice cream shack and then headed home for dry shoes.

I watched the Star Wars documentary on the History Channel and thought it was cool that there were so many more historical perspectives than I thought. Since I was in the mood, I threw in "The Revenge of the Sith" DVD and spent the next hour watching the movie and IMing Eugene.

Today, Monday, I have another appointment with the skin doctor. Last week I met with a plastic surgeon who wants to improve the veins in my legs. Next week I go in for a sonogram. And I'm hoping the rain holds off so I can get the yard mowed.

Ah, a badger's work is never done, especially when he keeps his social calendar so full.

Eugene, Parties and Roadtrips
12:47 p.m. - 2007-06-01

Great weekend. Biking, partying, grilling and just hanging out. As usual having Eugene over was enjoyable. We are pretty compatible. Sure there are differences and our time together is more like a holiday that real life. But it works.

The weather could have been more cooperative, but it was nice for my patio party Sunday night. We had nine guests and it was very pleasant with food, drink, conversation and games all in the cozy environment of my backyard/patio with festive lights and tiki torches. Unfortunately when JB invited us over for a BBQ, we ended up with pasta inside (which was excellent, btw) instead of combating the pouring rain.

Eugene and I did a couple 8 mile bike rides when we got some windows of perfect weather. I need to keep up the biking in earnest as I really need to excercise and lose some weight. I'm supposed to have the veins in my legs looked at in a couple weeks to see if they can fix some the circulation problems. It's good to finally find a doctor that takes things seriously (it's also sometimes a bit scary as well).

Back to work meant two days of training and one day to get my action items done. I also found out I'll spend 2 days in the Chicago area next week which is ironic since I'll be in Chicago this weekend.

This month will be full of road trips and Eugene. He and I are planning to be in Milwaukee for Pridefest the 9th and in Madison for my birthday / friends' wedding the 16th. And I'm hoping he'll come down on the 30th.

Speaking of birthday's, this is the big five oh for me and I'm trying to figure out what to do. I'm leaning toward a reception kind of thing and inviting family, ex-family, old and new friends. But I'm not sure how well that will combine with Eugene. But like someone told me, it's my party and I can do what I want. But I do want it to be a good time.

My Sweetie
1:38 p.m. - 2007-05-23

Eugene is coming tomorrow for a four day weekend Yea! So here's some cute pix from our last weekend together in Madison a few weeks ago.

Texas in my rearview mirror
1:21 p.m. - 2007-05-23

Well, I got home from Texas unscathed. I survived the Mary Kay convention at the hotel where I was working (curiously the women were all wearing black - but with pink bags) and managed to avoid driving on George Bush Freeway (tho I did find myself on Ronald Regan Freeway). In passed my sadistic SAP test. I was intrigued by the GLBT Chamber of Commerce luncheon I walked by on break.

I had time on Friday to visit Dealy Plaza (and later heard about Kennedy on the airport TV), visit the cool aquarium with three floors of winding paths thru a simulated jungle, and ate lunch al fresco at Texas del Brazil, the Brazilian churrascaria I've always wanted to try - very good. There's something about guys walking around carving meat off a stick that is cool. Plus the seasonings were great.

But I wasn't able to get to the airport without an early afternoon traffic jam just for old time sake. And you'll notice I didn't whine about the 10:30 pm traffic jam on a 5 lane expressway.

But it was good to get home and get all kinds of cuddling from Cal the Kitty and sleep in my own bed.

Texas in my rearview mirror
1:34 p.m. - 2007-05-23

Well, I got home from Texas unscathed. I survived the Mary Kay convention at the hotel where I was working (curiously the women were all wearing black - but with pink bags) and managed to avoid driving on George Bush Freeway (tho I did find myself on Ronald Regan Freeway). In passed my sadistic SAP test. I was intrigued by the GLBT Chamber of Commerce luncheon I walked by on break.

I had time on Friday to visit Dealy Plaza (and later heard about Kennedy on the airport TV), visit the cool aquarium with three floors of winding paths thru a simulated jungle, and ate lunch al fresco at Texas del Brazil, the Brazilian churrascaria I've always wanted to try - very good. There's something about guys walking around carving meat off a stick that is cool. Plus the seasonings were great.

But I wasn't able to get to the airport without an early afternoon traffic jam just for old time sake. And you'll notice I didn't whine about the 10:30 pm traffic jam on a 5 lane expressway.

But it was good to get home and get all kinds of cuddling from Cal the Kitty and sleep in my own bed.

Wednesday In Texas
- 2007-05-15

Things are nicer in Texas today. It's cooler, dryer and less stormy. After a good stiff drink and relaxing in my room last night, I headed over to Fort Worth. I expected a non-descript city, but was extremely surprised. Fort Worth has one of the coolest downtowns I have seen in the U.S.

Downtown Fort Worth is full of cool restaurants, bars and quaint shops. It's a great place to walk with the streets lined with trees and white lights adorning each and outlining the buildings. There were tons of birds singing all around. And people were everywhere. It was so cool that I need to see if I can get back there before I leave on Friday.

Plus, aside from the high percentage of pickups on the road, it was easy to get around. Very relaxing which I need because the class I'm attending is intense and I'm exhausted.

I'll venture out to downtown Dallas tonight for dinner and see if I can find a place to chill. I'm not big on sitting in a hotel room and watching TV, but I have to get some rest. It feels like this class has been going on for a lot more than just 3 days. It's good but intense.

And I did find a good way to get to class and back using one of the tollways. So that helps. And Friday we have a certification test which will be frustrating because of it's style. I've done these before and the wording is intentionally tricky and you have to try to figure out exactly what they mean because you could argue most of the answers.

But we'll be done by lunch so I'll have some time to explore before my 7:00 flight home.

And speaking of trucks, they have a campaign here to get people to "buckle up in your truck". Well there's a lot of light signs on the expressways with that slogan. But there was one that said...

"Buckle up in your TURCK"

Dallas - Good and Bad
7:35 p.m. - 2007-05-15

I'm in Dallas TX this week and after 2 days I can say its not one of my favorite places. I had a direct flight which is always cool. But it began a series of good news/bad news/worse news events.

Good News-plane at gate on time
Bad News-mechanical problem - need to get the mechanic
Worse News-mechanics on Sundays are paged at home and usually take 1/2 an hour to arrive at the airport
Good News-5 min later everythings hunky dory (duct tape?)

GN-I am travelling with someone I work with and can talk to
BN-I am travelling with someone I work with and have to talk to

GN-arrive in Dallas on time
BN-due to lightning ramp is closed and we have to wait 50 feet from the gate
GN-supervisors brave the storm to bring us to gate
BN-can't get our carry-ons off the plane for an hour and a half
WN-near riot when they start to board the next flight without getting us our carryons

GN-nice Mexican restaurant with a cute looking & acting waiter and a kick ass margarita
BN-had to loop around an extra 5 miles getting off and on the expressway due to the odd ramp configuration - you can't get there from here

GN-$60 for a 2 bedroom suite with loft and fireplace
BN-15 miles from training center
WN-commutes have been 25, 35 & 65 minutes so far

BN-nasty lightning storm sets off car alarms and makes me jump
GN-I made it into my room without getting struck

GN-found the bear friendly gay bar
BN-not a great area
GN-found big gay church - Cathedral of Hope
BN-got a huge bolt imbedded in front tire
GN-it didn't go flat and there's a small airport nearby
BN-I see Avis and Hertz but don't see a National location
GN-saw & followed a National bus
BN-an hour of red tape, phone calls & managers
WN-Rental clerk says "you didn't return the car full of gas" - pardon me for not risking a flat and tow charge by stopping to get gas
GN-new car - no charge thanks to the manager

GN-found cool fish restaurant in trendy part of town
GN-shrimp as big as my palm & buttermilk pie
BN-young guy in Mitt Romney t-shirt
WN-he's talking politics so loud I wished the bayou blues music was louder

Bad News-Traffic is bad but people can't see to keep from running into each other - 3 accidents on my route in 48 hours.
Good News-I made it to the hotel for free happy hour

Another Eugene Weekend
10:04 a.m. - 2007-05-08

I had a great weekend in Madison with Eugene. Unfortunately I now have the emotional letdown that follows our all too brief times together. I headed out of Badgerville early Friday afternoon and we met at Brian and Wade's place. The four of us went to a neat seafood place for dinner. We hung out for awhile at their house then headed for our "vacation home" at the motel.

Saturday we grabbed breakfast then headed down to the farmer's market and State Street. In the evening we met some friends of Eugene's for Mexican food in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. I actually met another gay guy who is into model trains!

On Sunday we grilled beer brats at the park. The sun never made a showing but it was comfortable enough - when the wind wasn't blowing. I made Eugene self-conscious taking a bunch of pictures of him- lol.

Alas, all too soon it was time for me to leave. We said our goodbyes and I headed out. I decided to take scenic routes to avoid the horrific traffic and road construction. It took a bit longer but I arrived a ton more relaxed. And it really was scenic.

Another Eugene Weekend
10:04 a.m. - 2007-05-08

I had a great weekend in Madison with Eugene. Unfortunately I now have the emotional letdown that follows our all too brief times together. I headed out of Badgerville early Friday afternoon and we met at Brian and Wade's place. The four of us went to a neat seafood place for dinner. We hung out for awhile at their house then headed for our "vacation home" at the motel.

Saturday we grabbed breakfast then headed down to the farmer's market and State Street. In the evening we met some friends of Eugene's for Mexican food in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. I actually met another gay guy who is into model trains!

On Sunday we grilled beer brats at the park. The sun never made a showing but it was comfortable enough - when the wind wasn't blowing. I made Eugene self-conscious taking a bunch of pictures of him- lol.

Alas, all too soon it was time for me to leave. We said our goodbyes and I headed out. I decided to take scenic routes to avoid the horrific traffic and road construction. It took a bit longer but I arrived a ton more relaxed. And it really was scenic.

The More the Merrier - Perhaps
8:47 a.m. - 2007-05-01

I was watching a bit of the documentary on the Mormons on PBS last night. It was very interesting and, in my mind, it highlights how people trying to do the right things and sometimes just being humans, get caught up in trying to declare exactly what God wants us to do.

I contend that all religion should be approached with more doubt than certainty and through the doubt comes faith that what we can't figure out we really don't need to.

Of course the show hit on the polygamy issue. Now, I have no real problem with the families that consenting adults create and the desire to provide legal protections for those families. They talked about how Brigham Young was reluctant to have mulitple wives but when pressured he married widows and older women, people who society tends to reject and need to be cared for. Sounds good to me, compassionate, respectful and loving.

But there are things about how polygamy is practiced that make me go hmmm. For example, why is it always one man and lots of women? And the marriages are always arranged which sounds like a power trip for the men. And then I have a problem adding a 16 year old girl to the mix. Is she consenting? Plus with consent, can they leave of their own free will?

So in practice, I suspect much of the polygamy to be about male power and control.

But like I said, I have no problem with consentual and free relationships. Just wondering is all.

Post Concert
9:53 p.m. - 2007-04-30

The concert went well on Sunday. I enjoy the singing, but don't mind having the summer off. I'm exhausted. I don't know if it's leftover from vacation in combo with the concert (tho like Tim said I may be pushing that excuse).

I'm just tired all the time it seems. I have been trying to get more active. I've lost some weight. Today after work, after a beer with Tim on the patio, I mowed the yard then rode my bike and then went to the grocery store.

Eugene and I IM'd last night and I'll talk to him more tonight. We're planning on meeting up in Madison this weekend. I guess that more travel will not make me less tired, lol.

Home from the Range
1:14 p.m. - 2007-04-23

Back from vacation. Andy and I had a wonderful time. We put over 3,000 miles on the rental car and got everything done we had planned.

Got home Saturday night and just chilled yesterday. Unfortunately, people expect me to get things done at work today. How rude!

Arizona and Utah have the most amazing scenery varying from canyons to deserts to alpine forests to land that seems to belong to a different planet.

Andy loved Las Vegas and we did a whirlwind tour of the most famous Casinos (Paris, New York New York, Ceasars Palace, Mirage, Treasure Island, MGM Grand, Luxor and several others. Neither of us being gamblers, we made it thru on the cheap.

We endured a 3 mile hike in a sandstorm with 70mph winds at Arches National Park. It took a couple days to get the sand out. We hiked down Bright Angel trail at the Grand Canyon (nobody needs to know we got nowhere close to the bottom 5000 feet down.

And, no, we didn't go to the glass walkway. It was several hours away. Besides I had vertigo enough just standing close to the edge.

We saw tumbleweeds and dust devils, deer, coyote and ravens, plus I think it was an antelope.

Digital cameras are a dangerous thing though. I discovered I had taken over 3000 pictures. My challenge now is whittling it down to a managable slide show - so far I'm down to 1200. Still a bit much.

We were both exhausted and slept a good deal on the flight home. It was good to sleep in my own bed and cuddle with Cal the Kitty.

It was also good to spend some time chatting with Eugene. I missed him, of course. Anyway, time to settle down for awhile (and think about getting to my 50th state - Alaska - in August).

Going Someplace Warm
10:31 a.m. - 2007-04-12

Wahoo!! Vacation tomorrow. By this time tomorrow, I should be winging my way to Las Vegas. Andy will be joining me on Monday and we're returning the 21st.

Places to see:

Phoenix AZ
Painted Desert
Western New Mexico
Sedona AZ
Grand Canyon
Monument Valley
Arches National Park in Utah
Capital Reef NP
Bryce Canyon NP
Zion NP
Death Valley in California

Plus we'll have a couple nights in Vegas to enjoy the glitter.

It was some consolation to waking up to snow today that tomorrow I'd be in 80 degree weather.

Easter Weekend
2:41 p.m. - 2007-04-09

Eugene was down for the weekend and this time he had to opportunity to "Meet the Fokkers" as JB said. Yep, I subjected him to my parents. It actually went well with Eugene and my dad swapping fish stories and sports stories. The only wierdness happened when my dad brought up living on the Mason-Dixon Line and how a black buddy of his had to move to the back of the bus when they crossed into Arkansas.

Oy! But Eugene seemed not to notice.

We met up for dinner with JB & Tim and belatedly celebrated Eugene's birthday last Wed.

And Cal the Kitty acted like he was a regular fixture cuddling up next to him in bed (on the side I wasn't occupying).

Eugene left Sunday and I went to my folks to celebrate Easter. It was a remarkably fun afternoon with my b-in-law in a very good mood. Of course my uber-competitive nephew put a kink in things by getting mad at his grandmother for beating him in the egg hunt.

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